The Naked Truth About Memoir (or any) Writing
What I learned from asking the question that scared me most.
That Night in the Pool
We’d been drinking.
It was late.
Someone suggested a swim, so I whipped off my clothes and jumped in.
I thought we were skinny-dipping. I was the only one in a group of mostly randos.
So, I treaded in my rebellious drunken haze, too proud to get dressed.
When I finally climbed out, dripping and exposed, I heard a voice whisper:
“Thank God.”
It stung. I didn’t flinch, though.
I was 20-something, with IDGAF running cold in my veins.
But still—
There was this tiny ember of shame.
Just enough to burn the memory into place.
Now, in my wiser, more clothed 50s,
That memory has become a metaphor for my writing. So, one day last month, I posted this:
This post is dedicated to those inspired responses to the question: Is it worth it?
Yes. Because every raw, trembling word gives someone else the courage to undress too.
Hell yeah, it’s worth it. Being naked is being free.
To give yourself over as you are, utterly & with abandon — terrifying, freeing & revelatory in equal measure!
It’s worth it!!!! Anyone who doesn’t want to see it can always look away. The courage and power you discover in the process of becoming more vulnerable and more embodied are life-changing!!
…I believe in the power of vulnerability. It's 500% worth it. Go girl 💪. Can’t wait to read your memoir.
Everyone has a body. Everyone has a story. Sharing and being are normal - no approval needed. Bare it all.
Completely worth it. Your story has to be told. It has been brewing and evolving inside for some time. The lessons you learned and the challenges you overcame that so inform your life now, you feel, are valuable to share with others who may have stumbled along a similar path. Catharsis is free therapy!
Some Deeper Conversations…
The Speedo Principle
replied:“A friend told me memoir means walking downtown naked.
I said, ‘How about a Speedo?’ You don’t have to reveal everything.”
David dug deeply into his relationship with his father in his memoir, Aviation Therapy, and I thought, I can do that, too. Can’t I? Except for the Speedo, of course. I’ll opt for a cheeky bikini.
A Slow Unraveling with
“I’m writing about emotional sensitivity, cross-cultural love, and the hidden architecture of feeling. It’s a kind of bravery only a few have.”
“Memoir,” Pelle said, “is a slow unraveling” (so… not a strip tease?)
Seriously, though, I keep asking myself: Why do I want to expose moments so shameful that I have either lied about them or just kept them secret? Perhaps the exposure will help others and set me free, along with several other insightful outcomes mentioned by the Substack community.
In truth, I’m doing it for me, for every version of me that lived through those moments, because those silenced parts of myself deserve to be seen finally. Who knows. They may even want to hang out?
The Living Memoir
“I love hearing these details about the process, Michelle - that’s your living memoir, really appreciate you sharing.” Then Jim wrote about his memoir of sorts, an “albatross” project which he referred to as a Pandemic Opus, that he creatively spun into four EPs.
What struck me was this comment, though: "I'll get to it when the time is right." Sometimes it feels like there is a window of opportunity to tell our story, a moment when we look into the fog of our past, and a clear form emerges.
Yes, but also I'm living my memoir, right? Perhaps the right time isn't when the past becomes clear, but when I'm brave enough to write while it's still unfolding.
What I Learned
The Speedo principle is real
You get to choose what you reveal
Honesty makes people lean in
Sometimes, telling the truth means being kind to yourself, too
It’s okay to get naked, even if everyone else is clothed
Full Circle
The pool moment is still smoldering inside me, but the shame ember has become a call to action all these years later.
The only way to answer it is to keep writing. Hell, I might even do my revisions naked. Why not?
All writing requires vulnerability, but as Mary Karr says, “Be fearless about telling the truth because that’s where the rich writing is going to come from.”
Thank you to everyone who joined in this conversation and to the people who share their most vulnerable selves here on Substack and beyond.
I would love to hear about your ‘naked in the pool’ moment. What is the hardest thing to write?
Here is Jim’s EP I forgot to link in the article https://substack.com/profile/100259745-jim-kroft/note/c-123327829?r=5g016j&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
Why don’t we skinny dip?